Dear Chip #15: “I’m in a Bit of a Pickle”

Dear Chip #15:

Dear Chip,

I’m in a bit of a pickle and I’m sort of lost on what to do. Strap in, because this is a bit of a long story.

So, back in freshman year of high school, I started crushing on this girl for now, let’s call her Mia) that I was sort of friends with. Well, I wouldn’t say friends, but more like acquaintances. Anyway, I approached Mia and we started talking more often. By the start of this year, we had built up a pretty good friendship, and all was going well. I had told my online friend (we’ll call him Sam), that I had liked her, and he told me to “shoot my shot”. Now, Mia and I had already had a conversation about the topic of romance, and she said that she wasn’t interested in any sort of romantic relationship until maybe after she graduated high school, which was a bummer, but I wasn’t too upset about it. I told this to Sam, but he didn’t seem to understand what I wanted to do. What I wanted was to build a relationship that would either increase my chances with her, or one that would allow us to remain friends if it went south.

One day, me, Sam, Mia, and a couple of other friends were playing a game together. After a while, I had to leave, and Sam accidentally spilled the beans about my crush on Mia. She messaged me back after they finished and told me what happened. I apologized and she turned me down. She was nice about it, and we’re still great friends.

Now I want to introduce another girl (who we’ll call Bea), who I’ve been good friends with since 8th grade. Back in 8th, Bea asked me out to the Formal and I accepted out of panic. We were still a bit unfamiliar at this point, so I ended up cancelling plans with her. Now, fast forward to freshman year, I grow very close to Bea and begin to feel some feelings for her. I told her how I felt, and she felt the same way, so we dated for a short while. The problem is, before I started dating her, I began to fall for Mia. So, I was dating Bea, but still had feelings for Mia.

After about 3 months, I ended up confessing to Bea that I still had feelings for Mia, and that I didn’t want to keep dating her if I couldn’t give the relationship 100%. She agreed and we split up, remaining friends to this day. Bea still had feelings for me, and she isn’t afraid to say it.

Now, back to present day. Bea and I are still good friends. Mia and I have been growing closer every day, and I still have feelings for both.

To make a long letter much shorter, I have feelings for two girls. One of them likes me back. The other doesn’t reciprocate my feelings, but each time I talk to her, my feelings get stronger and stronger. I don’t want to date one while I still have feelings for the other, so what should I do?

Sincerely,
Lovesick Sophomore

Dear lovesick Sophomore,
My advice to you is to only think of Bea as a friend. You have been there done that with her. Hypothetically if you go back to Bea and date her, you still will have feelings for Mia, and as you said, you don’t want to date someone if you have feelings for someone else. What I would do is talk to Mia more. Become close with her. Snap her, face time her, talk in person. Get closer. Then you will learn more about her and lose feelings for Bea.

 

Best,