Dear Chip #12: “Love in the Time of Cholera”

Dear Chip #12:

Dear Chip,

You know “teenage love”? It sucks, especially at a young age. I fell in love, truly. You know people don’t believe it and say you could never, you yet to even know the meaning of love. It isn’t true. I don’t believe I am IN love with .. let’s name him J… I do love him you know? but I don’t believe he is my person, at least not anymore. Young love is so confusing, every single teen is growing up and realizing what they want how they want etc. I used to think it was right person wrong timing. I guess I still do. J has done so much damage to me, mentally that is. I lost trust in people, I began to believe everyone would do what he had done. My heart used to ache at thinking of him. Tears would fill my eyes when our mutual friends brought him up. I don’t hate people , I just don’t believe in hatefulness.Though I thought hating him was easier than loving him. So I did. We see each other around the halls, never speak, i don’t check on him and he doesn’t check on me. I hope he learns to cherish the best parts of life. I hope he succeeds in everything he loves to do. I hope he gets everything in life. I hope he has the best senior year next year, I hope he gets into the college he’s dreamt of, I hope he gets every car he’s ever wanted, he loves them. Anyways,life got so much better, I am happy! I have lovely friends, I have an amazing family, and so on. But there are times I still think back.

I guess my question is, have you ever lost anyone, maybe not by death but by y’alls connection? possibly a sibling, a parent, friend, significant other, or a cousin. did it break your heart? how’d you function with your heart aching?

Sincerely, the person missing you

 

Dear TPMY,

We have all lost people at one point in our lives.  When I was younger, a shy little kid tormented by the thought of going to the school I hated every day, I would think of other friends I knew, friends I didn’t go to school with but were the children of my parents’ friends.  I sustained myself on the idea that I would make it out of there, to a place where there were people I truly knew.  After cycling through the bitter school and then a kinder one where I spent the last years of elementary, I found myself in a new environment, and it was like an animal returning to the wild, a place I knew vaguely, but its rhythm was foreign to me.  When I was younger, the friends I had drifted as time passed, and I tried to force myself into openings in old friends’ lives, which only half fulfilled me.  Eventually, I cast a proper mold, but it wasn’t effortless; it required me to be honest about how my “feelings”, a task that seems impossible in the build-up, but once you get it done, you wonder why it took you so long.

From what you have told me about J, your relationship did not seem healthy.  If he made you lose trust in people, if he makes you well with tears at the thought of him, he didn’t love you.  He loved to use you.  I know it’s hard to feel yourself slipping away from what you know because even if it still hurts you, it’s always there when you return.  You’re stepping off the path, one where every step is a thorn, and you face a large plain, ripe with possibility.  If you throw yourself into the Ocean of Love,  you will be rag-dolled by the waves against the Cliffs of Heartbreak, but if you continue on these plains, there is a field of light just over the hills; there is freedom.

Most importantly, you will not be alone on this journey.  You have great friends and a loving family to guide you; trust them to keep the darkness at bay.  I know you will have no problem finding someone who truly cares for you over those hills.

Sincerely,

Chip