Dear Chip,

How do you deal with the whole losing friends aspect of high school? I know it’s a very common event that happens in high school, friendships ending and all. However, just because it’s common doesn’t get rid of the bitter feeling of the situation. I recently lost a friend and I feel like this friendship just slipped out of my hands like sand, and everything just seems a bit gloomy right now.

I know it was best for us to part ways, and I don’t have any intention of reconciling with them. However, I would like some advice on how to move forward and start feeling better after this kind of situation.

Sincerely,

Gloom

Dear Gloom,

Just because you’ve been told that losing friends in high school is common, it doesn’t help soften the blow when it happens. The unknown is scary, which is why we are all given this prewarning. And it’s always the friends you expected to spend a lifetime with.

I won’t say I know exactly how you feel, only because I’m not you, but I can say how I’ve felt in this kind of situation. I had a friend, who was by my side for almost 13 years, who I recently had a falling out with. This friend, who we will call Joshua, had a birthday coming up, so my mom and I decided to go up to their house to celebrate. I immediately felt this heavy feeling in my heart that something was off. Joshua did not speak to me once the entire day, even when I tried to speak to him.

Give me a bit and I’ll stop talking about myself, I promise.

I had found out the reason Joshua was ignoring me, and it sounds so stupid, but it was over a girl. I was devastated, finding out he was willing to lose almost 13 years of friendship for a girl I had never even heard him mention before. I was sad, and cried a lot, slept on it, and months later I realized something. I really understood the most cliché saying of all time.

Everything happens for a reason. Just like you, I, too, “know it was best for us to part ways…”

You’re able to acknowledge this, which means you understand everything happens for a reason, right? If that’s the case, then you’ve got to hold onto that. You can be sad, cry a little, and let your heart ache, but don’t stay there. Your gloominess shows you truly cared for them but take this pain and turn it into determination to be whoever you strive to be, and to do whatever you strive to do.

I suggest focusing on the positives of your friendship, so you don’t carry hate and negativity in your heart. To move on from it, be grateful for the good and bad times you had with them. Try to look at the bad times as a chance for both of you to grow and realize you will thrive separately. Instead of trying to fill the void with temporary happiness, like trying to replace them with someone new, find things that will make you happy for a long time, start setting goals.

Just because you don’t have a desire to find your way back to them does not mean you have to forget about them completely. Every single person that you meet has an impact on your life, from pain causing you to grow, to genuine joy that pulls you from the darkness.

You’ll be okay. Both of you will. Although I am unaware of the story behind the friendship breakup, I truly mean everything I said. Be sad, let it hurt, but pick up your head and start setting your eyes on a future without them. Give yourself room to grow, don’t stay trapped in a negativity bubble.

With great love,

Chip